Am I doing the right thing????

To my surprise and amazament, I woke up fairly early today. I got off the bed and straight into the shower, getting ready and then filled in the finishing touches of my KBR acceptance form. I was ready to face the day - my plan was to march straight to the post office to post the KBR forms, face Dr Kapas to withdraw the PhD offer and shoot an email to Yusman to resign.

As I walked down Oxford Road, suddenly I felt a burst of anxiety, I had cold sweat and my heart was beating so fast... I heard voices in my head... "Are you sure you wanna do this??", "Damn it, its a full scholarship & you let it go just like that?", "Oh my God, you're making a big mistake!!"... suddenly I saw visions of myself at my PhD graduation, my own personal office in PGTS and a site trip with Dr Kapas investigating wind turbine blades! Oh my God, I freaked out!!!

I quickly took a detour and head to uni instead. I rushed down to Dr Pasir's office, turned on my computer and just stared at the monitor... (luckily, Dr Pasir walked in and gave me that "oh-you're-here-and-you're-so-rajin-i'm-proud-of-you-look"). Little did he know that the serious look I had on my face had nothing to do with my dissertation at all! I took several deep breaths to calm myself down and sent an sms to Hubby for life support.... as usual, Hubby called me straight away.

Hubby was on the phone calming me down and began his normal lectures to fight my fears etc... I wasn't really listening, to be honest... I was such in a state of shock, I just went totally blank... by the time I got myself together, Hubby was summarising his concluding remarks...

Though I must say that out of all the people I seek advice from, 80% would want me to work instead. So, if a PhD is not what I really want, then why do I always daydream about it?? Why is it that I never seem to see myself wearing the red KBR jacket??? Why is it that everytime I think of KBR, I can see Dr Kapas & Petronas people surrounding me with knives & daggers, just waiting to attack?!" Oh my God... I think I'm going mad...

By noon, I took the courage and walked to the post office and finally sent off the forms. I then headed to uni and like a miracle, Dr Kapas was at the front entrance.. as though waiting for me. Of course, I stuttered and blurted out that I might not wanna do the PhD... and like a true gentleman, Dr Kapas nodded, smiled and said, "You sure?? You don't look too sure... Never mind... go home, have a good rest and think about it again tonight dear... I'll see you again tomorrow at my office after lunch"

I was like.. huh?? apa ni???